Feminist Leadership

Participating in the Feminist Youth Leadership project was a pivotal moment for me that impacted both my career and personal life. It was the first time my work received this level of recognition. My circumstances disadvantaged me, so I entered the professional world a little later than my peers.  Though considerably protected by privilege, my background had been a bit rough. I was a CSA survivor diagnosed with clinical depression as a minor, which I dealt with through substance abuse. My early twenties were a catastrophic sequence of downward spirals that led to an abusive marriage, domestic violence, marital rape, and eventually, single motherhood.  After repeatedly struggling and failing at job interviews and competitive exams, I had decided to pave my way through private practice as a trauma psychologist. My lived experiences were the inspiration for my work’s nature, which made me stand out as an advocate for trauma-informed care.  Getting selected for a project funded by UN Women India was paramount validation for my career choices. Moreover, since my organisation is small, unregistered, and unfunded, the support from Gender At Work India Trust was an unforeseen door opener. It was the first time I was being flown, all expenses paid, to a big city for a residential programme with a diverse cohort of feminist youth leaders. That would mean I, too, am a “leader”, and that was hard to believe for someone with my history. My experiences of abuse convinced me I was worthless and didn’t deserve good things. The power dynamics of my marriage had crushed my personality into a thousand pieces. The FYL project was a key milestone that helped me stitch some of those pieces back together. It helped me become myself again. Lessons from Lab 1 Bangalore The first “Lab” felt exactly like the name suggested. It was experimental, unfamiliar, unpredictable, and intimidating. It was the first time I was surrounded by such diversity, and being an upper-caste novice in both activism and queerness, I was terrified of making mistakes. However, there was something about the open-space technique that encouraged me to face my fears and observe my behaviour. The Lab activities were designed to spark discourse, skill-sharing, teamwork, and agency. We discussed how different areas within the larger feminist movement, such as caste discrimination, queer rights, environmental activism, identity politics, inclusion, intersectionality, and mental health, need to converge for greater momentum. We also networked to demonstrate the same convergence between and through these discussions. It was crucial to speak up and take up space to forge connections. However, attempting to connect amidst such diversity was definitely a challenge. For instance, being cushioned by my caste and class privilege, I didn’t truly understand how much my words could cause harm. I ignorantly made a casteist comment to lighten the mood, which was understandably met with considerable social rejection. At the time, it felt horrible, as I had no intention to hurt anyone or disrespect them. But this was a valuable lesson on accountability and how intention and impact are separate. In retrospect, I managed to navigate this social conflict with grace and empathy because of one takeaway.  I realised over time that it is unrealistic for me to expect myself or anyone else to exist without biases, internalised shame, and deep social conditioning. Even feminists are flawed, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Rather, it is an opportunity to pause and reflect, to find ways to unlearn and to take the next right action to do something about it. I left Bangalore with a profound sense of responsibility to make my work and life practices more inclusive and accountable. More importantly, I also went with several seeds sown for long-term relationships with powerful youth leaders. Lessons from Lab 2 Delhi When we met again in November, it was very different from Lab 1. We were collectively processing the events from Bangalore. Much like my error, there were several incidents of interpersonal conflicts within the cohort. Fortunately, the activities of this Lab were more focused on making sense of our work from earlier and working with the discomfort between us.  As the cohort had already established norms of agency, inclusion, and active listening, this was probably the first time I witnessed healthy conflict resolution within a group of people. A few external mentors facilitated some of the sessions, allowing us to look at things more objectively. The energy of the room changed with each progressive mentor session. We started with a group discussion acknowledging our mistrust. A session by Taranga Sriraman included activities that helped us register our power and privilege gap. Similarly, a discussion facilitated by Vqueeram Aditya Sahai allowed us to see that solidarity means rising above our differences for a greater cause. By the end of the Lab, we knew that the larger movement mattered more than our individual differences. Overall, we concluded the second lab with a deeper understanding of how to work together and converge our areas of passion. There was an uncanny sense of unity, which didn’t equate to keeping everyone pleased. Instead, it was a respect for each other’s agency, a willingness to hold space for disagreement, and a commitment to keep trying to do better.  Looking Forward When it was time for the Phase I Wrap-Up, everything felt different. The exposure and connections I formed inspired me to diversify my work. Instead of working in the conventional therapeutic setting, I turned to community mental health.  This included more work at the grassroots level to spread awareness about trauma and how to overcome it. I sought opportunities that took me to areas with negligible access to knowledge and resources for mental health. My career shifted, and now, I am deeply engaged in outreach programmes in rural areas of Bundelkhand. My lived experience as a survivor of gender-based violence motivates me to fight these issues and makes it possible for the locals to connect with me. My evolution from this journey was visible in my words at the