Male allyship is often spoken about in the development sector, yet male allies still struggle to find acceptance in feminist spaces. In simple terms, male allyship means men actively supporting gender equality, advocating for equal rights, and working alongside people of all gender identities to dismantle systems of oppression. But in practice, this role is complex. Male allies often find themselves navigating suspicion, misunderstanding, or exclusion. My journey as a male ally has been shaped by these challenges, as well as by moments of deep learning, especially during my time at the Feminist Leadership Lab.
My first teacher in gender equality was my mother. She taught me through her everyday actions that household work is not “women’s work” but a responsibility shared by all family members. That early lesson shaped my understanding of equality in a very practical sense. Later, during my college days, I saw how deeply gender norms dictate people’s lives. Many of my friends were pushed into early marriages, either during their studies or immediately afterward, simply because they were women. It didn’t matter if they were high achievers or even gold medalists. Their gender defined their choices. Those experiences made me realize how entrenched patriarchy is, and how it continues to deny women autonomy over their own lives.
Before the Lab, art was my medium of resistance. I used theater to create awareness around gender rights, staging plays that questioned stereotypes and challenged discriminatory norms. Art gave me a platform to speak, but after a few years I realized that while I was raising questions, my own understanding of gender was still limited. I had not engaged enough with queer voices, caste realities, or the many other intersecting identities that shape oppression. That realization pushed me to apply for the Feminist Leadership Lab.
The Lab was truly life-changing. For the first time, I found myself among 27 youth leaders from diverse social, cultural, and geographic backgrounds. Each participant carried unique stories and lived experiences, and together we created a space where intersectionality was not just discussed, but practiced. Despite having worked in the field of gender equality for many years, I encountered perspectives that were new to me – on caste, on sexual orientation, on queer identity, and on the many forms of systemic oppression that overlap in people’s lives. What I valued most were the open dialogues. Participants spoke honestly about their struggles and privileges, and those stories deepened my understanding of how multiple identities shape people’s experiences of discrimination and resilience. I left the first phase of the Lab with more knowledge, more humility, and a renewed commitment to gender justice.
At the same time, the Lab brought moments of discomfort. As a cisgender, heterosexual male, I sometimes felt my perspectives were questioned or dismissed because I did not have the lived experience of being a woman or queer person. At times, I felt excluded. This discomfort forced me to ask hard questions. If we are striving for gender equality, can we overlook that men too are shaped – and sometimes constrained – by gender norms? Society imposes strict expectations on men: to be strong, unemotional, dominant. These pressures can also be a form of oppression, even though they operate differently than the discrimination faced by women or queer people. What troubled me most was that the Lab’s conversations sometimes seemed to create a binary: men on one side, and “all other gender identities” on the other. This gap was not unique to the Lab – I noticed it across many networks I am part of. And so, I began to ask myself: if male allies are not fully accepted in feminist spaces, how can they truly contribute to building inclusive movements?
Three months later, our cohort met again in Delhi to design Phase 2 of the program. We brainstormed project proposals, but once again I noticed that male allyship was largely absent from our discussions. This reinforced my earlier realization: the feminist movement needs to pay closer attention to how men can be allies, and how spaces can be made inclusive for them as well. For me, allyship is not about centering men. It is about creating spaces where everyone – regardless of their gender – feels responsible for dismantling patriarchy. Excluding male allies risks reinforcing the same structures of division we are trying to dismantle. Instead, we need models of partnership, accountability, and shared responsibility.
Looking back, I am grateful for both the positive and the uncomfortable moments at the Lab. The challenges forced me to reflect deeply on my role, my privileges, and my responsibilities as a male ally. And this reflection is exactly what the Lab intended – to push us out of our comfort zones so we could nurture leadership that is truly intersectional and inclusive. Since then, I have carried these lessons into my own work. As a theater artist and filmmaker, I now think more consciously about how to make my art spaces inclusive. Whenever I conduct a workshop, I pay attention to the diverse identities and lived experiences of participants, ensuring that everyone feels represented and heard. At a personal level, the Lab has made me more alert to subtle inequalities in my everyday environments. At a professional level, it has strengthened my motivation to build male allyship as a serious strand within feminist spaces.
As we approach two years since the Lab began, I can see how much I have grown. My understanding of gender equality has expanded, my networks have deepened, and my sense of purpose has sharpened. Most importantly, I now have clarity about the work that lies ahead. Moving forward, I want to design projects that specifically focus on male allyship within feminist movements. Through art, film, and community engagement, I want to create spaces where men can reflect on their own gendered experiences, confront their privileges, and contribute meaningfully as allies. Feminist movements cannot succeed in isolation from men; true change will come only when all genders see themselves as equal partners in dismantling patriarchy.
The Feminist Leadership Lab has been more than a program for me – it has been a mirror. It showed me both my strengths and my blind spots. It made me feel the pain of exclusion, but also the power of solidarity. And it gave me the courage to keep working towards a vision of feminism that is inclusive of all. As I continue this journey, I hold close the words of Mahatma Gandhi:
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”
For me, being that change means not only advocating for gender equality, but also working to ensure that feminist spaces are inclusive of everyone – including male allies.
